I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
