Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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