Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
