I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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