How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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