I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
