So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
