If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
