This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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