3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
