My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
