the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
