Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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