True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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