I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
