Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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