i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm really busy with my period
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