I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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