I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
