How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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