I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
