There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
