Barsexuality is the new black.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
