you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize