im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
