she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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