I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
