just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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