his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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