Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
