I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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