thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
