dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
