i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
