This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They are going to name an STD after you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
