He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
