that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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