Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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