In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
