And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
