Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize