So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
