So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So squirting runs in the family.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
