In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
