Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳