I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance