so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
