How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!