I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.