well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse