We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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