piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize