yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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