okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
