Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
