I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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