We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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