New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
