you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
