Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
