its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
