did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
