i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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